hi there.
yes, it has been awhile.
6 months has passed.
and i am still here.
tho sometimes, i do feel its a wonder dat im still here.

of course, as usual i would say alot has happened.
alot of changes has taken place, alot of changes are bound to happen but yet, some things we know of will never change.
sure, 2008 has been a memorable year for me, good and bad, but im positive, greater things will come for 2009, especially 2010, and of course in all the future years to come.

i have big dreams now.
some of them may stay as dreams, and some of them will be turned to reality.
whats for sure, i am starting my life anew for 2010.
so i hope the mistakes i've made in de past can be and will be forgiven and forgotten.
i sincerely seek forgiveness to the people whom i have caused hurt to and whom i have given trouble to.
i am opening up a new chapter of life in a whole new book.
but i will keep this book for my future reading in memory of how i went through the pains and gains in life.
so til i see you again, this is all dat i can offer for now.
goodbye.

haha.
wahwah.
was bloghopping, and guess wat i found?

and my most "BESTEST" fren, MATON toked to me on msn!!! she said sorry n all and yea... we toked bout stuff... err... i aint gonna be bitchy. damn,...! dont let me start! okok... no pt to wag my tongue. it is over (not???)

hwahwahwa.
if u remembered my post on sec sch days, i mentioned an enemy in there?
ahahhaha.
yes, dat was from her.
but it was written years ago ah.
but still reading it eh, builds up emotions in u.
mcm ngade2 gitu kan?
*rolleyes*
i can be bitchier.
hwahwahwa.
oh wells.
nak pi skola ah.
yes.
skola.
byebye!

wow.
somebody broke my heart todae.
i havent felt so broken since i dunno when ah kan.
muhammad ilias!
tlg eh, dah bace ni tlg lah kol aku asap.
i dont wanna break the promise dat i made on 23rd may.
aku maen2 je tadi!
wahliao.
sungguh the depressing.

and to you.
i havent seen u for a few weeks now.
no, im not doing okay.
as much as i tried to be.
i miss you.
alot.
i feel like as if, each and every heartbeat of mine speaks ur name.
is this love?

hmmm.
i miss my family.
although im having fun hanging out with friends, i feel guilty having less time for the family.
i dont wanna be like si slenger.
but i just cant discipline myself to go home straight after school everyday.
i really lack of self-discipline.
not only in this case, but on every other cases as well.
ouh.
and i miss my dearest ibu.
i havent seen her for months, and i really really miss her.
but i just cant find the time to meet her.
or maybe, i just make up too many excuses.
*sigh*
i really hafta start disciplining myself.
i dont want my dad to lose his trust for me, or rather what's left of it.
and i dont wanna be a tenant to the house.
oh wells.
guess its all up to me to change the situation.
whatever it is, family still does come first.
den friends, den whatever else ah.
but i tend to prioritize my friends first most of the time.
and i actually understand how my parents feel, but i just cant help it.
im the type of person who's easily influenced.
yes, u might take dat as an excuse, but its really actually a bad trait of me dat i hafta kick away.
speaking of which, i haf another bad trait to be kicked away.
im hte type of person who doesn't know how to reject people.
even in a nice way, i just cant bring myself to do it.
and because of dat, sometimes i feel like im being taken advantage of.
i mean, i dont really mind helping people, but if i need to help them every single day, the least i could ask for as a return is for them to appreciate it.
but then again, ISLAM IS ALL ABOUT PATIENCE AND SINCERITY (KESABARAN DAN IKHLAS).
so in the first place, when i help someone, i shudnt be expecting anything in return.
yah.
oh well.
and please eh.
its neither pear nor eggtart im referring to.
i noe u appreciate it, and i noe u love me.
thank you.
WHAHAHAHHAHAA. =)
ok, but seriously, yah.
like ive mentioned before in my previous2 posts, before you do anything, stop and think.
think whether he or she has done enough for you.
think whether whatever you do next might hurt the person.
or whatever it is.
just think.
and please, im not saying all this to shoot anyone.
im just saying it in general.

niwaes, on a lighter note, i watched made of honour just now.
it was okay, nice.
3 out 5 maybe?
the show's abit predictable.
ohhhhhhh.
i miss ibu.
random, but who cares.
im gonna log off now, before i hit my head on the keyboard.
-__-

yesterday was ccn day.
i didnt get to walk around tho.
for the first time in my life in tp, i skipped ccn day.
all because i was rushing through my report.
tulah, last minute lagi ah kan.
standard ah.
serves u right.
well, lets start from the morning.

i woke up at 6plus and hadta send my brother to school, we were rushing out of the house, and i forgot my hp.
and i was damn sleepy.
after flsm, i went straight back home just to take my hp.
by the time i reached school again, it was already coming to 12.
usually, we would be having lunch by dat time, but i told myself no lunch until i finish the report.
so, yah.
end up i finished the report at around 3 plus.
but i still couldnt go for lunch.
because i hadta meet nina at tamp to take some documents which was needed in the report.
so rushed off to print the report, which took a loooonnnngggg time, and den off to tamp.
after dat i went to submit de reports, by then it was already 4 plus.
and nadiah broke a devastating news to me, she told me itas' flavours (my current fave canteen) were already closing.
then i went back to the clubroom, and finally sat down.
wanted to walk around the campus, but looked at the watch and it was already 5 mins past 5.
and usually, by 5 most of the shops are already closed.
that actually brought my spirit down even further.
i thought after all the rush and everything, i could reward myself with either itas or ccn.
but i got neither.
so ended up i didnt have a proper meal for de whole day.
pfft.
wat to do.
tulah carik nahas.


so todae, i decided to treat myself to a movie.
ive already decided in the morning dat i was gonna watch a movie, with or without anybody else.
so after work, i smsed a few of my friends asking if they wanted to join me, but some say later, some say maybe, some got backaches, while most got boyfriends to go out with.
so since i was already so nekad on watching the movie, i went to cwp, bought the ticket, and watched it by myself.
i watched "ayat ayat cinta".
it was good.
watch it for yourself.
so yah.
unbelievable, halimaton shahidah watched a movie by herself.
faz, i did it too!
lol.

so i feel much better now.
and convinced too.
aku percaya setiap orang itu ada jodoh nya tersendiri.
oh well.

btw.
i feel better staying away from u.
let's keep it this way, so i won't fall in deeper ok?
i do miss u tho.

i had a terrible migraine just now, so i went back earlier den usual.
furthermore it was very the mendaks.
well, something was different.
i know.
so reached home, dad gave me money to eat out, i dropped by cash converter at admiralty to check out if there was anything interesting, and then went to cwp to have my dinner.
i was craving for sumthing, but not too sure wat.
not kfc, not mcd, not even ljs (kau. its very rare for me NOT to crave for ljs.)
was it even food that i was craving for?
pfft.
whatever it is, i had pizza hut for dinner which was a really impromptu thing (sorry beep! =P)
went back home, and complained to daddy about the terrible terrible migraine.
and he said, "sape soh kau fiker bnyk2?"
hahaha.
which is quite possible jgk ah.
den mum said, "tklah, kdg2 sudden change of temperature pon bleh migraine."
so i decided to check out the net, and they gave me these for causes of migraine.

• Abrupt weather changes
• Bright, flickering or glaring lights
• Intense physical exertion
• Emotional stress
• Changes in sleep patterns
• High altitude
• Motion caused by travel
• Low blood sugar

oklah.
i think i fall under the emotional stress.
i have to admit, for the past few days i have been quiet, my mind was definitely not keeping silence.
so, yah.
while i was doing bola, i decided to relax my mind and not think of anything much.
and soon after, the migraine went away.

untuk berpindah topik, i dunno what to wear tmrw.
i've ran out of clothes to wear.

and i'm gonna miss my friends.
but i can't wait for june to come, and then september to come.
will be looking forward to these 2 months.
and june, not only because of the 2nd lah, looking forward to something bigger den the 2nd.

btw, i like my new blog colour theme.
very cool gitu.
as in cool-ing.
not cool kewl.
lol.
oklah aku dah start mrepek.
tk ngantok ah.
tapi nk tido.
so, bye.
=)

=)
i was washing the dishes at work just now when suddenly i was being reminded of the time when i was in sec sch.
huhu.
i remembered, when i was in sec 1 and 2, (or was it 3 and 4?) i was in de same class as these 3 wonderful girls.
faizah, nuriah, and farhana.
we became a clique, and even got ourselves a name.
LOL.
we named ourselves "purect" but i think with the spelling of "purr-ect".
i dunno what it symbolises; they came up with the name.
hahhahaha.
cute right, altho when i say it out loud now, it sounds not so nice anymore. =P
anyways, what i remembered about us was our own special...identity.
hahahha.
yes, identity.
faizah, i think the most popular girl in dat school at dat time, was de surfer girl.
nuriah, the very angsty girl, was de goth and emo kinda girl.
farhana, we call her farna, was de type of girl who's tall and skinny and very girlish, very model-like, but her identity represents nothing like her, a ska and rude girl. (im not sure of the spelling 'rude', but she wasnt rude as in impolite lah.)
and me, LOL, i was the jap girl. (HAHAHAHAHHAHA. yes, laugh all u want.) because more often den not, i was under the influence of my brother.
oh yah, last time there was this thing about "concept2" right?
LOL.
omg.
i remembered, if u were chatting at some chatroom, and got to noe a girl/guy, the next thing they're gonna ask u after ur asl is wat concept are u in.
LOL.
WHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA.
OMG.
i feel so kental typing all these stuff.
lol.
so, back to the story.
i still remember the particular day my clique got the name.
it was during home economics, and i think 4 of us were in a group.
and we were asked to bake potato pie or sumthing like dat.
i noe it was potato-ish.
and we carved the name purr-ects on the pie itself.
=)

so came sec 3, i split classes from them.
they went to another class, all 3 of dem together, and i was in de same class as beep.
and den slowly, i drifted apart from dem.
and one fine day, i had a boyfriend.
by the name of imran.
LOL.
dat coward.
he asked me to be his gf, i gave my ans 3 days later.
ouh i think this happened in sec 4 lah.
cos i still rmbr, he asked me to be his gf on the 14th of feb, konon romantic ah.
but i gave my ans only on de 17th.
lol.
kesian.
dat morning, i was walking to school with christine, and we saw him and christine tegor-ed him ah, but i kept quite, like as if i never met him before.
den after dat christine was looking at me in a rather strange way and asking me, "aren't u together with him??" den i said, "yah.."
and she said, "...why weren't u talking to him???"
funny thing was, i was together with him only for 1 day, or rather i think only for a few hours.
cos later on, on dat same day, i heard from someone, dat he didnt have any feelings for me, instead he was liking nuriah.
tak mengamok bile aku dpt tau.
actually i didnt have feelings for him too, i was only together with him because beep and bf (who happens to be imran's classmate) were telling me about how good he is, how gentlemanly he is, blabla.
so after dat incident, me and nuriah became enemies.
and we didnt talk at all.
for the rest of de yr.
exaggerating eh? lol.
but on the day of the prom, we hugged (i think) and i forgave her (cheh.) and we were talking again.
lol.
what happened between nuriah and imran?
im not too sure, cos i really couldnt be bothered to kepo2 in my enemy's life can i?
but if im not wrong, dey lasted 2 wks?
IF im not wrong lah kan.
lol.
tsktsk.
macam2 prangai ah bdk2 skola ni.
=P
yah.
those were the days.

so now u noe why my ex-bfs are not countable as bfs at all?
dats why i can say that i haven't been attached before.
cos most, if not all, of my exes are like dat mrepek.
no feelings involved.
funny as it may sound.
but oh wells.
aniwaes, i gtg.
going for ngaji soon, and i wanna shower now.
taa~!

ok, since i have nothing else to do, i have decided to waste some of my time writing this.
school has been keeping me busy.
blabla projects are piling up blabla (i sound like a typical poly student, but who cares).
havent had the chance to meet up with the usual 2 girls since school reopened; i do miss u guys too okay.
well, besides school, everything else is doing...not so great.
i mean, its okaylahhhhhhh, just not great.
yeah.

been doing a lot of self reflection nowadays.
and i was asking myself one qn.
am i a different person now?
cos i always noticed how people around me has changed, so its time i did some reality check.
and i think i HAVE changed, i admit.
maybe after i got peska.
but for the better or worse, i still havent decided.
all im sure of is my nightlife has certainly changed after conceiving peska, especially the 2-3 consecutive weeks following dat.
but personally, i dun think i have changed much, as in my personality or attitude towards things/life.
i still feel like i am the same person 3 weeks ago, 3months ago, 3 years ago.
the good the bad and the ugly me.
maybe u have a strong objection towards this, i very much welcome u to inform me, cos i seriously wanna noe from another person's point of view.
please, do tell me if i have changed.

oh btw, this might be the last few entries of cherrymonstar.livejournal.
i repeat, MIGHT BE.
cos i dun see the purpose of being in here nimore.
everytime i enter lj and view friends' pages, i become temporarily blind, and has to go to the trouble of searching of my eyeballs under the table.
if u noe wat i mean lah kan.
so, yah.
still considering lah.

ok, so now...i guess its time for me to go.
we say goodnight!
we say byebye!
we say goodnight byebye goodnight!
we say goodnight byebye goodnight!
we say goodnight byebye goodnight!!!
GOODNIGHT!

Sometimes, we humans tend to criticize about something/someone without realizing that we are no better than them. And I think what we should all do is just take a minute or two to just stop and think. Stop and think, what comes out from your mouth sometimes can be contradictive to yourself or your own behaviour. And well, nobody's perfect, not even me or you. You know what, i think we all need to do this to make the world a better place. Take a few seconds before we do anything (I mean, anything at all.) to think whether what you do or say next might hurt or offend others.Its not always about you alone. And I just hate it sometimes, when people just doesn't know how to appreciate what others have done/sacrificed for them. Personally, I think I've done my part as a daughter/friend/lover, but seldom do i receive the same level of respect (its the least I can ask from them). Walk with an imaginary mirror in front of you, everytime you do something, mirror yourself first. Oh, and one more tip to living life to the fullest. :P For whatever you do, do it for yourself. Not to spite others, not to show others that you are happy/sad/angry/sick/(insert whatever emotion you have here). Just do it for your one and own self.

i know i was asking for trouble when i clicked play on the 3rd year anniversary video my friend uploaded on her blog.
and by the end of the video, i started comparing my life with my friends'.
or rather more like my love life with theirs.
ALL of my girlfriends are attached.
well, except for one, but the only reason she's single is because she has this life mission of staying single til 21.5 yrs old.
yah, so besides her, EVERYONE'S attached.
so sometimes i wonder.
why am i still single?
when i go out with guy friends, we have fun, and den get close, and they tend to get the wrong signals from me.
how come that theory doesn't work with all the guys that i date?
i just wonder sometimes.
bleargh.
tulah, carik nahas kan.
gi click play on that video kenape.
amek kau, emoshit sorang2.

anyways, on a lighter note.
regarding my previous entry.
the 26th march thing?
it came much earlier than expected.
great news isn't it?
i'm elated.
that should keep me busy for now.
at least busy enough for me to not think about the stuff mentioned above.
yah.
so the name's peska bin sha'ari.
delivered the baby on the 21st of feb at 3.20pm.
at paya lebar hospital. (paya lebar got hospital, u dunno rite? lol.)
i love my baby girl. =)

ok, til the next time i feel like writing, i'll see you on the roads!

a.cup was on just now.
its been so bloody long since i last helped, i guess.
and just now, was damn tiring.
i think i can honestly say that i did alot of work.
and im proud of it.
so i saw goat.
half-naked.
no comments. =)
actually, i had fun.
thanks guys.
best day of the week.

SIP's finishing in 2 wks time.
i guess, we really do not have any much time left.
and i don't think i will be going out this weekend, since i still have quite alot to do.
i really can't wait to get this over and done with.
and im seriously hoping i get through.

anyways.
yes, everything ended even before anything began.
so dun ask me anymore what happened btwn us.
cos nothing did.
really.
fortunately, i dun have to see them in school anymore.
at least for 2 months.
and please, i havent fallen into depression or anything of that sort.
u guys should know me better.
one down, alot more to go.
=)

ouh.
aiming by 26th march.
might be earlier?
we'll just see.

and btw people!
im three-point-two-less!
woohoo! =D

1. What is more difficult:
looking into someones eyes when telling how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they tell you how they feel?
* telling how i feel...*avoids eyes*

2. Think of the last time you were annoyed. Why were you annoyed?
*the last time? ive been annoyed since last 2 days or so. i hate dem.

3. You will die in three minutes. Last call?
* my family, natrisha&nathaleen, beefsteak

4. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
* i want to have doraemon as my pet. -.-"

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love?
* trust. without trust, love can never happen. (true.)

6. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you're fired. Do you save the dog or not?
* eee. dog for what. i cannot touch dog, neither can i swim. lol.

7. Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
* errrr. dun think so? heee.

8. Think of the last person who you know who died. You have the chance to give
them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Would you do it?
* hmmm. *ponders* 

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
* OF COURSEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. wahhahahahahahhaah.

10. Does sex=love?
* NO. definite no. and i want to find a guy who believes in de same thing.

11. Are you old fashioned?
* errr. in some ways maybe?

12. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex?
* hmmm. sure.

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
* i dont love you.

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?
* hmmm.................

15. Romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
* ages ago.

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have "no regrets" what would you change?
* not meeting sumone by the name of sallehudin bin sumthing2.

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
* wahliao. a fairy, perhaps? but den again fairies fly. ok den my pet doraemon.

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
* errr. if i noe how to? if not call ambulance can dy wat.

19. You are holding onto your grandmother's dying hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other which one would it be?
* wahliao. this qn makes me sad.

20. When and how was the last time you told someone how you REALLY feel?
* hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. yesterday, but not fully how i felt. -_-

If You had three months to live:

21. Do you tell anyone or everyone you are going to die?
* i'd tell the family (which shud already noe by then lah) and of course my 3 best friends.

22. What do you do with your remaining days?
* do good deeds? -.-"

23. Would you be afraid?
* i guess...



eh? dah bes?
ape seh smp 23 je?!
kental ah ni bnde.
-____________-